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Joke of the Day

"How fuckin' good do babies smell!? I wanna jam one up each nostril and rob a bank!"

"Poker is like sex Not fun to watch if there are a lot of folds"

"If your job ever feels pointless... just remember somebody is the fact checker for Buzz Feed."

"Did you hear they're doing a remake of Dumb and Dumber? It's on tonight on every major network, tonight at 9."

"I thought I stepped on a Lego, but thankfully, it was just a rusty old nail."

"Relationship status: woke up next to an empty pizza box"

"Me and my mates are in a band called Duvet. We're a cover band."

"You've heard of ""helicopter parents"" but I had a ""boomerang father"". He was meant to come back but he never did."

"So doctor, do I have rabies? Doc: Short answer. Yes. Patient: What's the long answer? Doc: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssss."

"A Jewish boy asks his father for 50 dollars, to which he replied.... 40 dollars? what do you need 30 dollars for?"