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Joke of the Day

"A Jewish boy asks his father for 50 dollars, to which he replied.... 40 dollars? what do you need 30 dollars for?"

"A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns but I soon realized that toucan play at that game."

"How do you make any woman wet? Liquor"

"just got my nipples pierced! and they gave me a discount because I have so many!"

"Just found out my cat lied about being pregnant just to try and save our relationship and cover up for getting fat."

"Marriage Law ! If you marry one girl, She will fight with you ! If you marry more, They will fight for you !"

"[stacks of books on floor] Impressive, son. [son places pizza on one stack, soda & cookies on others] ""Yep; perfect height"" [turns on Xbox]"

"I found a penny today and it reminded me of my ex...worthless and in everybody's pants."

"Good Cop: We want to help you. Just tell us who was with you on the night of August the 15th. Bae Cop: My parents aren't home. Come over."

"What do you call a red neck invasion? An incestation"