9650

Joke of the Day

"Yes Pony Express? I ordered a pony 27 minutes ago and I still didn't get it. What kind of fast food joint do you run here?"

"I like you but not save your life before a dog's life like you."

"When my dead English friend Nate pees on my newly grey-painted German grenades. My late mate Euro-nate urinated on my freshly greyed grenades, great!"

"What do you call an Arabic rapper? Vanilla Isis"

"Making a grocery list after 8 beers is awesome because the next morning I get to wonder why I need 7000 bags of pizza rolls."

"My ex was terrible in bed. I mean she would just lie there... Screaming, ""Noooo!"""

"Parenting: 1st kid: Document their every move 2nd kid: forget to pick them up 99% of the time"

"At this point, a phone book is just a list of people who recently died in their homes before cancelling their landline."

"I've successfully made a time machine Thank you kind stranger for giving me gold"

"Hey girl is your dad a terrorist cause...oh your dad works for Al-Qaeda? No, wait this is a pickup line. I'm sorry please don't cry."