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Joke of the Day

"Making a grocery list after 8 beers is awesome because the next morning I get to wonder why I need 7000 bags of pizza rolls."

"Butter Wanna hear a joke about butter? I ""butter"" not tell you, you might ""spread it""...haha...makes me laugh every time that one."

"Jesus at the Last Supper. Jesus: *breaks bread* - This is my body! *holds a glass of wine* - This is my blood. *starts to open a jar of mayo* Judas: Sorry Jesus, I will have to stop you there."

"""Momma momma, why do I keep running around in circles?"" ""Shut up or I'll nail your other foot to the floor."""

"I'm despondent. I'm chained to the phone charger. It's so fucking landline."

"One woodworm met another. ""How's life?"" she asked. ""Oh same as usual"" he replied ""boring."""

"I saw Tom Hanks today so I asked him for his autograph. He just wrote Thanks."

"Cops have a new radar that lets them see through walls into our homes but imagine if this technology fell into the wrong hands! Oh wait..."

"How many prostitutes do you have to kill until someone notices? I'm not sure yet."

"Recently in court, I was found guilty of being egotistical I am appealing (-Stewart Francis)"