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Joke of the Day

"Someone should make a food app that connects to your bank account and only lists restaurants you can afford, could call it Welp"

"What's the difference between cider and apple juice? My wife doesn't let me cum in apple juice :-("

"What do you call a monkey terrorist? A Baboom!"

"Los Angeles education Trying to give my kids an education in Los Angeles is a nightmare. The guns, the gangs, the drugs -- and I'm home schooling them."

"Why did the cowboy get a dachshund? Cause he was told to get a long little doggy."

"If your uncle Jack was stuck on a roof... Would you help your uncle Jack off?"

"The FedEx guy said I look like a sexy pirate. I'm not sure if that's considered sexual harassment or flirting."

"I tried publishing my novel... in which I stress the danger of global warming by describing my experience battling encroaching fire ant colonies. Every publisher called it ant-I-climatic."

"I was thinking about telling a Thailand joke... But Phucket."

"How do you greet an overweight Micronesian when you're trying to sound cool? Microsoft Word."