124496

Joke of the Day

"Just played the new Hillary Presidency Simulator I don't know why it's called Fallout 4 though."

"What kind of musical instrument can you use for fishing? The cast-a-net."

"Removed all the mirrors from my house because I'm tired of living with that asshole."

"If an atheist vegan does crossfit... Which one do they talk about first?"

"Met a guy from Iraq today who grew a full beard as I was meeting him."

"One grape lived for lying around in the sun. It was his ""raisin d'etre."""

"Monster: Stick 'em down. Ghost: Don't you mean stick 'em up. Monster: No wonder I'm not making much money in this business."

"My favorite thing about all the people waiting in line for the new iPhones is for those hours the rest of the world is a better place."

"Rey: Why do you hide behind a mask? Kylo Ren: *takes off his mask to reveal his real face* Rey: Wow. Put the mask back on."

"Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil"