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Joke of the Day

"It's all fun and games until someone from real life recognizes you and you realize you're too small to drag off the body."

"When the inventor of the USB stick dies they'll gently lower the coffin, then pull it back up, turn it the other way, then lower it again."

"I don't like dodecahedrons They are too edgy for me."

"I've been reading the most interesting book on the history of superglue I just can't put it down ......"

"My ex wife died so I went to the cemetery and to honor her, I poured a fine, 12 year old bottle of scotch on her grave. But first I filtered it through my kidneys. EDIT: Holy crap! Front page!!!"

"I scare off men like I'm some kind of evil clown hiding in their closet. ""I'm not a clown!"" I shouted as I sniffed his sweater vest."

"If I had a dollar for every girl I fucked ... ... I would be still fucking poor!"

"On Halloween I'm going to let kids decide between raisins and a toothbrush so they know what we're going through with this election."

"When I was at the beach there was a guy in the ocean yelling, ""Shark! Help!"" And I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn't going to help him."

"Seems like Harrison Ford is really down to earth Too early?"