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Joke of the Day

"My ex wife died so I went to the cemetery and to honor her, I poured a fine, 12 year old bottle of scotch on her grave. But first I filtered it through my kidneys. EDIT: Holy crap! Front page!!!"

"Name the pig's favorite Shakespeare play. Hamlet."

"What do (does?) Rihanna and Onion Rings have in common? They're both battered."

"Why does keeping tropical fish in your home have a calming effect on the brain? Because of the indoor fins."

"Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account."

"A Roman walks into a bar and holds up two fingers. He looks at the bar tender and says ""Five drinks please."""

"Beauty is in the Eye Of The Tiger."

"If Leonardo da Vinci posted the Mona Lisa on Instagram today, it would get 30 likes, tops."

"Her: You like shopping? Me: Oh god yes! Her: What's your favorite place? Me: The grocery store. There is a whole aisle of just cheese!"

"I spent last night defrosting the fridge. Or ""foreplay"" as she likes to call it."