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Joke of the Day

"I once had a girlfriend who had a lazy eye... I had to dump her because she was seeing other people."

"There's two things I hate. Hypocrisy and condescension. Do you understand what I mean?"

"What language does a flight attendant speak? Plane English."

"D'you want to hear a spoiler for the Jumanji remake? Robin Williams dies"

"Today it was so cold in the morning that.. I saw a democrat with his hand in his own pocket."

"I'm not racist! I'll have you know my childhood best friend was black, but I haven't seen him since my dad sold him."

"CD worms made tapeworms obsolete."

"FUN FACT: The Olsen twins were actually triplets but Mary ate her sister Kate in utero and that's why she has two names"

"America is basically a free country... you'd just have to inherit 19 trillion dollars in debt"

"Did you hear about that guy who had his whole left side amputated? Yeah he's all right now"