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Joke of the Day

"I would like to thank you people for letting me know its Friday every week. Its thoughts like this that keep me on Facebook."

"I'm crying and wearing a falcon glove so I get sympathy sex from people who think my falcon flew away."

"What do you call a nurse with flat knees? The ""head"" nurse."

"Why is trigonometry so hard to talk about? You always end up going off onto tangents."

"Yo Momma so dumb she tried to climb mountain dew and thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at Hardees."

"What would you call the easter egg roll if Bernie Sanders became president? Weekend at Bernie's."

"I'll never forget the cooking time for my supermarket brand spaghetti... 9-11 minutes"

"Dear Redditors. Sad news today. The guy who invented beastiallity drowned yesterday. He sleeps with the fishes now."

"[interviewing cave bat] me: any disadvantages to hanging upside down? Bat: [pee rolling down his face] Yes, one."

"Just saw a homeless woman try to use a cat as a telephone. She accepted a cigarette in exchange for the cat. Cat is my telephone now."