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Joke of the Day

"I dropped my glasses in the toilet today. Now everything looks like shit."

"My wife still misses me... but her aim is getting better"

"If I pour superglue into a non-stick frying pan, somebody is going to be wrong, right?"

"So, a bird flies in front of a pitcher and gets hit by a baseball. What do the umpires rule it? Fowl ball"

"What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can roast beef, but you can't pee soup."

"Touch it gently, put two fingers inside... if it's wide use three fingers, make sure it's wet and rub up and down, push in and out... faster and faster! Yep that's how you wash a cup."

"Nicholas Cage is the same character in every movie he makes, except Face off where he was John Travolta."

"I submitted 10 puns to a joke contest to see if any would win. No pun in ten did."

"Why do they call him shitman? His name is steven hitman"

"When a South African tells me they really love math I can't work out if they're a nerd or an addict"