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Joke of the Day
"What is 30 feet long and has 42 teeth? A bus full of rednecks"
Next Joke
"A guy is fingering his girlfriend... ...after a while, she starts to shift uncomfortably and says ""would you mind taking your ring off, please?"" The guy responds: ""what ring? That's my wristwatch!"""
"Why does Donkey Kong brush his teeth? To prevent tooth DK."
"If hillary nukes Russia I can see the headlines now ""Everyone in Moscow commits suicide"""
"My 7yo has a friend over and I'm pretty sure he learned how to whisper during a hurricane."
"Congrats to #LeonardoDiCaprio on his first Best Actor Oscar. You can stop sacrificing goats now."
"Soldier Smith! I did not see you at camouflage training yesterday! -Sir, Thank you very much, Sir!"
"Why do scuba divers always jump backwards off the boat? If they jumped forwards, they would still be on the boat! Sorry."
"How does a Confederate flag and a rainbow flag differ? The latter represents people that win."
"When people show me pictures of their kids I show them pictures of my exes. If I have to look at their mistakes, they have to look at mine."