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Joke of the Day

"When people show me pictures of their kids I show them pictures of my exes. If I have to look at their mistakes, they have to look at mine."

"How do you confuse a Jew? Tell him pork is on sale!!!"

"There's this woman in my office who is wearing the same outfit as yesterday and she reeks of tequi......ok it's me."

"What's the difference between mad cow disease and PMS? Nothing."

"Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired! ... I'll see myself out."

"Life Tip: Do not treat your woman like an object. It hates that."

"my dad told me this one Helen Keller walks into a bar, then a table , then a chair"

"Why did the hipster burn its tongue? Beacuse he drank the coffee before it was Cool"

"I too save a bunch of money on car insurance. By not having any."

"Operator: 911 Me: My wife is going into labor, what do I do? O: Relax sir, is this her first born? Me: No, this is her husband."