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Joke of the Day

"""I love Justin Bieber"" well I love McDonalds but you dont see me making an account pretending to be a chicken nugget, do you?"

"Just converted my savings to pesos and HOLY SHIT am I rich!!!!!!!!"

"I just saw a squirrel dragging a wine bottle bag up a tree. I think I found my spirit animal."

"There are two kinds of people in this world... Those that can extrapolate from an incomplete statement,"

"What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on juan"

"Me: I got my first TOTD! It's exciting! Him: What's that? M: um, well, it's an imaginary trophy... H: well then I'm imaginary proud of you."

"I'm giving up my husband for Lent."

"the cats out of the bag now... now the cats in the bag but you can still see its tail.. now the cats rolling around in some sand and dirt"

"The most heinous crime--against both Man and Nature--would be to plant dynamite inside cattle That, my friends, would be a-bomb-in-a-bull..."

"Bono from U2 is the voice of my car's GPS It sucks. The streets have no names and I still haven't found what I'm looking for."