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Joke of the Day

"There are two kinds of people in this world... Those that can extrapolate from an incomplete statement,"

"If you want to change your life significantly just walk to the Mercedes-Benz 600 standing at the junction, take a brick and throw it into the windshield."

"I see your nerd joke and raise you mine A neutron walks into a bar, orders a drink and sits down. He says to the bartender ""How much?"". Bartender replies, ""For you no charge."""

"[job interview] ""Tell me about yourself"" *flashback to when I used hand towels mom said are specifically for guests* I'm a risk taker"

"Stop wearing shirts that make us want to look at your titties if you don't want us to look at your titties, because TITTIES!!"

"Before going to your partner's parents' house for the 1st time, it's very important to ask ""How much Jesus stuff can I expect to see?"""

"How many refs does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. They only screw playoff games"

"Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp? He opened a warehouse."

"I overheard a guy complaining angrily about the NSA tracking him Some people are so annoying when they have a chip on their shoulder."

"What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown suit."