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Joke of the Day

"I spotted a machine in a store that read ""It'll do to you what you do to eggs!"" and I'm still trying to figure out what that means. Beats me."

"(NSFW) My girlfriend dumped me because I couldn't give her the 12 inches she deserved.. I told that bitch ""I don't cut 2 inches off for anybody!"""

"Was playing the piano and the cover fell on my hands Have not been feeling myself since."

"It would be hard work being a deep-sea diver they're under a lot of pressure."

"What do you call a spaghetti that went to a pasta party? An Impasta"

"Have you ever tried eating a clock? It is very time consuming"

"Policeman: Why were you asleep at the wheel? Motorist: Your siren lulled me to sleep."

"What's the easiest way to twist someone's arm? Thalidomide"

"What do you call a flying skunk? A smellicopter!"

"There are two hats on a hanger... The broken one says to the other: ""You go on a head..."""