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Joke of the Day

"Haters gonna hate. Tweeters gonna tweet. It's actually pretty obvious that verbs are performed by their respective nouns."

"Today I went to the protest The protesters aren't going to mace themselves"

"I have an evil masterplan; I'm going to drill a huge hole through the Moon and thread a massive piece of string through it. Then I will finally be able to conker the World."

"I heard the Pope's first choice for a guest was in fact Hillary... But he couldn't afford her speaking fees"

"Is it ok to have sex with a third cousin? I didn't seem to have any problems with the first two."

"What do you call a Filipino Contortionist? A Manila folder."

"Regarding the molestation jokes. A lot you guys may not know this, but molestation... Is a very touchy subject. I'm sorry. Did that joke rub you the wrong way?"

"To do list: 1) Change Facebook name to 'No One' 2) 'Like' peoples statuses."

"Pedophilia You grow into it."

"Voldemort is like a teenage girl. He has a diary, a tiara, a special cup, a pet he adores, and an obsession with a famous teenage boy."