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Joke of the Day

"I have an evil masterplan; I'm going to drill a huge hole through the Moon and thread a massive piece of string through it. Then I will finally be able to conker the World."

"I got burned by a piece of metal on my pants when I pulled them from the dryer. It was a hot button issue."

"What's the difference between Harry Potter and a Jew? Harry made it out of the chamber alive..."

"Once a neighbor kid asked if my dog had any nicknames & I lied & made a bunch up & now whenever I see her she asks how Tree Trunk' is doing"

"I've seen suns that weren't as bright as my cell phone is at 6AM."

"Why wasn't Daredevil in Civil War? He doesn't work well with Vision"

"Me: ""I mean, how can Harry Potter be the best Quidditch Seeker when he's the only one with glasses?"" Librarian: ""Just pay your fine, Ma'am."""

"Two pretzels were walking down the street... ...One was a salted."

"What do you call the prequel to The Purge? The Binge"

"Whats the difference between your mom and your dad? Your dad didnt cry when I fucked him in the ass."