95090

Joke of the Day

"*gazes at laptop screen*avoids making eye contact with own reflection*"

"Jerry Sandusky was actually a pretty successful coach... ... he turned many tight ends into wide receivers."

"Primaries are like childbirth. After a great deal pain, yelling, and recrimination, everyone forgets how awful it was until the next time."

"It doesn't take much to be a president... ... a liter of the country."

"I like my women like I like my Pistachio nuts. Easy to get inside or else I'll just move onto the next. Ha ha only joking. I'm so lonely."

"My friend was being attacked by a duck. I tried to warn him but it only made things worse."

"Have you heard the rumor going around about butter? Never mind. I shouldn't spread it."

"Why did the 3-legged dog go back to Dodge City? To see who shot his ""paw."""

"What Happens if you eat Yeast and Shoe Polish ? Every morning you will RISE and SHINE."

"Pope joins twitter. Quits being Pope. Takes twittercide to a whole new level. Your move, drama queens."