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Joke of the Day

"""Pilot season"" in Hollywood is when TV networks pay writers millions of dollars to think of ways people could move in together."

"What's the difference between a stadium full of Dallas Cowboys fans, and 90,000 buckets of shit? 90,000 buckets."

"Whenever I see a whirlpool, I scream, ""Help! That tornado can't swim!"""

"It's a good thing my new Thai girlfriend doesn't have an issue with small penises. I just wish she didnt have one."

"How do snowmen read their e-mails? With an icy-stare!"

"What shakes and sits at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck."

"I'm going to attempt to dehydrate myself for the depravity contest. I hope I win thirst prize."

"Sometimes, when two people love each other very much, they get married and ruin everything."

"In the street today, an unattractive woman asked for my number, so I gave her a fake. Still feel a bit guilty, as I'd just totaled her car."

"If you had to choose between a billion dollars or world peace... how many bedrooms would your mansion have?"