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Joke of the Day

"I put more effort into making it look like I'm doing my job than I do doing my actual job."

"If my mom had just faked having a headache I wouldn't be writing this bullshit on the internet right now"

"Why did the dog sit in the front seat of the car? Because the car had a sun ""woof""! Yes, I made this up myself. Yes, I have no friends."

"It's not a matter of WHEN the world will end... ...it's WHICH Applebee's you find out at."

"What did Magic Johnson give his teammates after winning an NBA title? A HI-V (high five)"

"GUY WITH TONS OF BLACKLIGHTS AROUND HIS APARTMENT: Hey come on in! GUY WHO LIKES TO RUB CAT URINE ALL OVER HIMSELF: Ummm. Nah I'm good."

"In a cave, I found pictures of women's breasts, but when I touched them, a giant net fell on me. Damn booby trap."

"I once met an Italian fellow with feet made entirely out of rubber. His name was Roberto."

"What do you call two turds getting intimate in heaven? Holy Fucking Shit."

"Can February March? No, but April May."