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Joke of the Day

"Mother-in-law: I baked two kinds of cookies today. Would you like to take your pick? Son-in-law: No thanks. I'll just use the hammer."

"My girlfriend said I was stupid for taking unnecessary risks. At least I think that's what she said. I was too busy trimming my pubes with a chainaw at the time."

"I judge every book by its cover: ""Too smart for me"" is what I say and then look at Twitter on my phone."

"Me: I don't know how to dance to this kind of music Beer: yes you do"

"I got a job as a stand up with a comic sans resume, but i lost my CV Now im a comic sans resume"

"Do you know how do you spell Mississippi with one I? *Covers left eye* M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I"

"They should make condoms out of bubble wrap. *pop pop* Hee-hee! *pop pop pop* Hee-hee! *pop pop pop* Hee-hee-oh! *pop* That was fun!"

"I can help anyone quit smoking by spraying them with hair spray as they light their cigarette."

"that kid at the public pool who kept screaming at his mom to watch him jump in grew up to be a blogger"

"Two fish are in a tank.. One turns to the other and asked ""Do you know how to drive this thing?"""