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Joke of the Day

"*im applying Chapstick and doing curtseys in the mirror* *dad walks past* *dad double takes* *im doing push-ups and drinkin a protein snake*"

"What do you call a nun that walks in her sleep? A roamin' Catholic."

"My rap name is ""NO PLANZ."""

"6yo lured girls to our beach umbrella by shaking a bag of Cheetos at them & it worked so guys, feel free to steal his fool-proof method."

"BBC News: Being obese can cut your risk of dementia... Hold on, lets rephrase that: ""Fat fuckers are less likely to forget where the biscuits are kept"""

"Why does Mexico always do so poorly in the olympics? Anyone who could run, swim or jump made it to the USA."

"Sorry I called animal control about your children but I really think those tranquilizer darts did the trick."

"what the cell say to its sister cell when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis"

"What is both a fruit and a vegetable? Elton John in a coma."

"Have any of you heard about the magician who was driving home? He turned into a driveway."