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Joke of the Day

"Sorry I called animal control about your children but I really think those tranquilizer darts did the trick."

"What's worse than finding a worm in an apple? Finding half of a worm in an apple"

"I recently bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping ever since."

"When you sit next to a talker at the movies you're allowed to hit them in the face and move seats. It's in the ticket fine print."

"Relationship goals: A relationship"

"What's Finn's favorite grocery store? TR-8R Poe's."

"Lesbian Eskimo? Klondyke."

"[Bad joke] How does a Marine like his eggs? Semper-fried! (Bring on the booings and the beatings)"

"Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience."

"Facebook features three types of women: hot, Photoshopped hot, and a dog for a profile pic."