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Joke of the Day

"Why was the frog down in the mouth ? He was un hoppy !"

"*crawls up from backseat* *slowly pulls off paper bag from head* What? No... I'm not embarrassed by your driving"

"I thought toddlers were the most energetic, obsessive, and relentless people on earth. And then someone got mad at me on Facebook."

"What do you call a Russian surgeon who carries out circumcisions? Katia Dickov"

"Investment fail In college, an ounce of heady weed was the same price as an ounce of gold. I made terrible investments and now I'm a dog walker."

"What do you call a Mexican with small muscles? No whey Jose."

"What's the difference between a bird and a fly? A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird"

"wife: What's wrong? me [annoyed because the kids menu has a picture of a tree on it but they didn't give me any brown crayons] Nothing"

"If you want to know how many hours your mom was in labor with you, tell her you won't be able to come over & visit."

"Phantom cellphone vibrations are your dead ancestors calling you."