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Joke of the Day

"Investment fail In college, an ounce of heady weed was the same price as an ounce of gold. I made terrible investments and now I'm a dog walker."

"There are 10 types of people in the world: People who understand ternary, people who don't, and people who thought this was going to be the binary joke."

"What is Nemo's favorite drink? Nemonade"

"Simple cure for childhood obesity: Ice Cream Trucks that don't Stop."

"Every time my daughter drinks juice she says ""cheers"" so.... no, not looking forward to parent teacher conferences."

"What's the difference between Jimmy Fallon and myself? I can get through a Jimmy Fallon joke without laughing."

"How did the butcher introduce his wife? 'Meet Patty!'"

"Sometimes I squat on the floor, put my arms around my knees and lean forward... because that's how I roll."

"What do you call a homosexual, Russian, knight? Sir Gay (Serge)"

"What do you call a fish without an eye? A Fsh"