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Joke of the Day
"It's amazing the things you'll do for a person when you want to see them naked."
Next Joke
"Folks I'm seeing Trainwreck tomorrow night. Then after the GOP debate, I might go to the new Amy Schumer movie! Yeah, I went there"
"I like to spend my Sunday night wishing it wasn't Sunday night."
"Why did the Otter collect parts for his spaceship? So he could go to otter space."
"""You promise you didn't get me bees again"" [me from a distance] just open it"
"Women are like Hurricanes They come into your life wild and free and then leave with the PATIO FURNITURE WE BOUGHT TOGETHER SARAH YOU BITCH"
"There's a song about dancing like Uma Thurman, but not about dancing like Gaston. No one dances like Gaston!"
"Son hunted 4 part of our family dinner 2night! With steady nerve & calm focus, he tracked down the hot dog buns for us at the grocery store."
"Sorry I missed your call. I was peeing and had both hands full."
"I need to buy a 4k TV, no matter what. It's my new year resolution."