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Joke of the Day
"I like to spend my Sunday night wishing it wasn't Sunday night."
Next Joke
"Can someone's face be a pet peeve?"
"Some people probably think I tweet too much but maybe I'm required to tweet this much or else this bus will explode ever think of that"
"Taught the 5yo to say ""totes magotes"" to annoy my husband who can't figure out why the kid keeps yelling, ""COACH MY GOATS, DAD!"" Nailed it."
"What does a cannibalistic homosexual sailor eat? Semen."
"Silly Billy went in a library and said, "" I would like to have a pizza."" Librarian - "" Sir, this is a library."" Billy goes near his ear and whispers - "" I would like to have a pizza."""
"Did you hear about the gym employee that got fired? He didn't work out."
"Where do geologists go for entertainment? *Rock concerts.*"
"My 8yo son spent 45 minutes perusing and closely inspecting the 31 flavors to finally decide on ""chocolate."""
"Let's find some common ground so I can tell you my fucking life story."