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Joke of the Day

"I have enough money to last me for the rest of my life... Unless, of course, I want to buy something."

"A dark, dark joke What's the difference between molestation and rape? You remember rape"

"I'm going to run errands, need anything? ""Yes, some new light bulbs"" Why, our current bulbs are too heavy? ""And a good divorce lawyer"""

"How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowblower? Give her a shovel."

"I installed IOS 9 Beta. And it shot up my school."

"I'm more afraid of the shitty music my family is going to play at my funeral than I am of dying."

"There are four guys walking down the sidewalk. The first three walk into a bar. The last one ducked."

"What kind of overalls does Mario wear? *denim* *denim* *denim*"

"TAKEN 4 COMING SOON ! Ring , Ring . Kim this is your father. Daddy ? she replies. But, but your dead ! Listen I'm a Ghost , and my Corpse is about to be, TAKEN !lol."

"According to the bloodwork I had done at my doctor's office, I'm 12 percent cake."