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Joke of the Day

"How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowblower? Give her a shovel."

"Why is imgur down? It was over *cat*pacity."

"If you like someone, pretend they're a charger and you're an iPhone on 1%. Run to them. Grab them. Plug them in. Wait, I lost the metaphor."

"The last time I had sex, there was a dinosaur in the cave with us."

"My ""Sleep Number"" is vodka."

"What did the devil get arrested for? Possession!"

"Is your fridge running? Why didn't you send it to Rio? All the best to our contestants!"

"I got tired of smelling soggy tacos, so I quit working at Taco Bell. Also, the food smells like shit."

"You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you."

"Q: How many lead trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Fifty. One to do it and the others to stand around and say ""I could do that better."