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Joke of the Day

"My next door neighbour just accused me of stealing clothes from her washing line. I nearly shit her pants"

"You can now take small knives with you on planes, but my 4oz bottle of mouth wash is dangerous. Got it!"

"Why don't women propose to men? Because the guy'd always be disappointed when she took out a ring."

"I once swallowed two strings and they came out tied together. Yeah, I shit you knot!"

"If you are what you eat... *Well then you are an asshole* *A lot of you are pussies* *And some of you are cats* *A few of you are dogs* *And I'm a penny...*"

"Two blonds walk into a bar... ...you think one of them would have noticed"

"What can you get off with your finger that you can't get off with steel wool? Your girlfriend."

"Buying a car from Hertz is like marrying a Prostitute It may look good on the outside, but you have no idea whose been in it or what they've done to it."

"/r/jokes http://i.imgur.com/i9mD9jZ.gifv I don't remember what that link is, used this cuz reddit says I need text here to post."

"Donald Trump is what happens when a YouTube commenter makes a billion dollars."