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Joke of the Day

"want a brand new identity when you go back to school? why not change your name to 'Bird Christmas' or 'Crisp Terdass'"

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"what will i do when i have an out-of-body experience? i'll see myself out...."
"You had me at let's get divorced."
"What does a vegan zombie eat? GRAAAIIINNNSSS!!!!"
"USA: ""Hey, Canada, can you hold this for a second?"" Canada: ""OK."" *USA hands Detroit to Canada* *USA quickly walks away.*"
"I was going to book a holiday to Sweden But then I realised I couldn't af-fjord it"
"DINOSAUR PARTY TRICERATOPS: GROUP SELFIE!! *hands phone to T-Rex T-REX: Still not funny you guys. Not. Funny."
"Why don't midgets like barbecues? because the steaks are too high."
"The best thing about fucking 26 year olds is... there's 26 of them."
"I'm drowning my self in coke right now. Not the drug. The drink. Nah jk it's the drug."
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