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Joke of the Day

"If the Native Americans that celebrated the first Thanksgiving were still alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their age."

"""Just so you know, you're coming home with me tonight."" I whisper to all the leftover food on the table from our dinner date."

"An Irishman applies to a job at a Blacksmiths ""Have you any experience at shoeing horses?"" asks the Blacksmith ""No"" says the Irishman ""but i once told a donkey to fuck off"""

"My head says ""go to the gym"" but my heart says, ""stay on the internet forever and eat!"""

"what does a frozen beer, burnt pizza, and pregnant girl all have in common? they all happened because some dumbass didn't pull it out in time."

"I was walking down the street when I saw a black man carrying a tv... I could've swore it was mine, but then I remembered mine was at the house polishing my shoes."

"My wife and I can't agree on appropriate gardening attire. But she's digging in her heels."

"Sorry I commented ""yikes"" on that pic of your baby you posted on facebook."

"I only have one hand.... So i shop at secondhand stores."

"I know it's crazy to think that every time I have deja vu, it's actually happened before, but..."