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Joke of the Day

"USA: ""Hey, Canada, can you hold this for a second?"" Canada: ""OK."" *USA hands Detroit to Canada* *USA quickly walks away.*"

"I always buy a Get Well Soon card for the couple who invites me to their wedding."

"Who is the most successful liar in the world? Mary. Lied about her extramarital affair, still believed by billions."

"did you hear about this new fish? nevermind it's satill in beta"

"Did you hear about the boy born with no eyelids? Doctors decided to make some for him out of his foreskin. They say that the boy is doing fine now, but he's a little cock-eyed."

"What did the Pope say when he first saw the Shroud of Turin? Holy Sheet!"

"Florist: ""Would you like your flowers wrapped?"" Me: ""Nope, they're going right into the shredder before I give them to my sister-in-law."""

"In Theory... In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they never are."

"My dad is so cheap. He scolded me for running home behind the bus once, and saving the *fare. He said I should have run behind a taxi, and saved a lot more."

"Shocked to see Gravity win a special effects award. Thought it was actually filmed in space"