93716

Joke of the Day

"Don't even talk to me about how badass you are until you've seen how many ketchup packets i've stolen over the years"

"I can see smoke on the horizon. God I hope it's rest of Monday burning to the ground"

"Why does chav code never compile? They end every statement with init"

"What do you call a Tolkien creature who studies insects? An *Ent*omologist"

"I met a girl in a bar last night and she said she wanted the night to be magical.... So I fucked her and disappeared."

"I don't like going to funerals early in the day. I'm not much of a mourning person."

"If you crossed a cow with a goat what would you get? Half and half!"

"What sound does a pinewood derby car make when you rev it? Wooooooden Woooooooden Woooooden!"

"People who try to beat you when walking into a store. No."

"Why are some jokes so funny? -Doctor, Doctor why are some jokes so painfully funny? -It must be the punchline"