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Joke of the Day

"Don't even talk to me about how badass you are until you've seen how many ketchup packets i've stolen over the years"

"What did the right breast say to the left breast in the mirror? You look like a right tit in that."

"Fun Fact: Koala's have finger prints like humans. So next time you rob a bank make sure the koala carriers the gun"

"My Chinese friend got me an iPad for my birthday... Nothing beats a homemade gift!"

"Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes."

"If you're having luftballon problems I feel bad for you son I got 99 luftballons and whatever whatever I don't speak German"

"I'd always wondered why they didn't make pencils with erasers on either side Then I realised there wouldn't be any point."

"The way you feel when your phone dies is exactly how Cinderella must have felt at midnight."

"What do you get when you put two Beta Fish in the same tank? One Alpha Fish."

"Its funny how your parents tell you its their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too."