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Joke of the Day
"People who try to beat you when walking into a store. No."
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"Girl you remind me of this steak I have no steak"
"Sorry I rubbed your belly for good luck, wealth and prosperity."
"my anaconda don't want none unless you got snake food this time. last time u tried to feed him buns but the carbs are bad for him"
"So the FBI paid professional hackers to unlock the shooter's iPhone. But whenever I pay hackers to unlock an iPhone, I'm ""too insecure to be in a relationship""."
"There are two types of people in the world: Those that divide everything into two categories, and those that don't."
"Playing Scrabble is like talking to women... You spend the whole time looking at the rack trying to form words."
"Two condoms walk past a gay bar one turns to the other and says ""hey, wanna go in there and get shitfaced""?"
"Hey guys, trust me on this one, tweets aren't nearly as funny when they're being read aloud in a courtroom."
"Scottish Engineers Q: What is the anthem for Scottish Engineers? A: ""All the Single Laddies"" Edit: Read it carefully"