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Joke of the Day

"Tension at work Local engineer was fired after building a road over a creak further up stream then planned. Dispite his long years of service, it was a bridge too far."

"What's long, green, and smells like bacon? Kermit's finger."

"So a circumference walks into a restaurant... ...sits down and orders a bowl of diameter ice cream. The waiter asks, ""You want pie with that?"""

"you know what never gets old? Children who died at a young age."

"When your momma taught you to look both ways she didn't mean be two faced."

"ME: Where are the posters? WIFE: THEY JUST DISAPPEARED! [In other room] *cat is furiously stuffing missing dog posters into paper shredder*"

"What is wrong with the number 6.9? There is a period in the middle."

"I thought my son would be glad and appreciate that I got him a trampoline But nooo, all he does is sit and cry in his wheelchair all day"

"[ First Date ] Her: So you're a MMA fighter? * flashback to me kickboxing a mannequin at Nordstrom's * Me: Yea, I'm still training"

"The sun is so self centered... It acts like the world revolves around it."