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Joke of the Day

"Someday I'd like to meet the tiny creature piloting Vin Diesel's body."

"Me? Just throwing magnets at strangers in the park to try to expose robots."

"Then Satan said, ""Let's convince everyone they need to go gluten free."" And that kids, was the Christmas fiasco of 2015."

"A man walks into a bar... and his crippling alcoholism is tearing his family apart"

"How can you tell if your water is about to break? Someone from Flint puts a glass between your legs"

"[1st time buying drugs] Me: can I get a *reads smudged notes on hand* married iguana Guy: *opens coat to reveal married iguanas* Me: hell ya"

"I used to be really scared about marriage... In fact, I hear 50% of all marriages end up lasting Forever!"

"I got the chance to watch a women's final for beach volleyball last night... What a semi!!"

"Father's Day is a great time to give your father a tie so he can look extra nice at the job he settled for because you were born."

"What's more useless than a condom at a feminist rally? Everyone there."