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Joke of the Day

"My company's health plan is a guy who comes to your house when you're sick and yells, ""DON'T YOU QUIT ON ME!"""

"China has one of the largest manufacturing and exporting economies in the world. What product of theirs is most commonly exported? Newborn girls."

"Ever been half way through eating a horse and start to think..... I wasnt as hungry as I thought"

"Every time I drive past a hitchhiker I feel kinda bad thinking maybe they're just liking my status."

"I've grown bored of reality, So I started watching cable news."

"A lady just walked into Taco Bell, dumped every hot sauce packet in her bag and left. I should follow her. What's the rest of her day like?"

"Whats the first thing you do when you spill something on your keyboard? Try to disable sticky keys."

"Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4 what is 4+4? Pupil: That's not fair! You answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one!"

"When I lay down to go to sleep, I watch Hillary Clinton rallies It is much more convenient than counting sheep individually."

"Say what you will about human beings, but we did invent ice cream."