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Joke of the Day

"A soldier survived mustard gas in battle and pepperspray by the police. He's now a seasoned veteran"

"What do you call someone who only speaks one language? American"

"a boy died in a microwave while playing hide and seek...silly kids these days pretending to be hot pockets"

"What do you find in the Pope's toilet? Holy shit!"

"My husband wants me to stop working on my flamingo impression. I had to put my foot down."

"YANKEE DOODLE: *sticks feather in his cap* This is called macaroni YANKEE DOODLE'S FRIEND: Ok, cool. Listen man, everybody's worried about u"

"Me at age 5 ""I wish I had a $1"" Me at age 10 ""I wish I had $100"" Me at age 17 ""I wish I had $1,000,000"" Me at age 26 ""I wish I had $1"""

"Chuck Norris just says ""no"" to drugs. If he said ""yes"", it would collapse Colombia's infrastructure."

"[job interview] ""So what are your goals for working here?"" To be home by 5"

"Why was the computer programmer single? Because he couldn't commit."