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Joke of the Day

"Why the U.S suck at chess? 'Cuz they lost two towers"

"This fly I just killed in my apartment is more talented than every celebrity that tweets on this fucking site."

"""If you have a ministry like Jesus it will probably be made up of about 12 people who don't get your illustrations, & 1 wants to kill you."""

"What's the best way to increase the size of your bank balance? Look at it through a magnifying glass."

"Knock knock. Who's there? 9/11. 9/11 who? You said you'll never forget....."

"If I ever get AIDS, I hope I get it from an Indian. Because he'll take them back."

"What's worse than eating out your grandmother? Banging your head on the coffin lid."

"*sets trap* *snares the Easter Bunny* *pats his head* *lets him go* What?!?...What did you think I was going to do, you savages."

"*storms out of office bathroom* *slams roll of single-ply toilet paper on boss's desk* I CAN'T WORK LIKE THIS"

"AMERICA: Where someone will eventually figure out how to fry Vodka"