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Joke of the Day
"Why are Mistborns always so thin? Because they're always Burning calories!"
Next Joke
"Did you hear about the guy who needed to snort a line of baking soda every day? He was basically addicted."
"[first day as a server] me: how would u like your steak person: well done me: thank you that's so kind it's my first day & i'm very nervous"
"What's the hardest part about watching a video of somebody being beheaded? My dick."
"Steven Tyler is aging pretty gracefully for a claymation skeleton who fell into a pile of feathers."
"S is my favorite letter because it changes biscuit to biscuits."
"Please stay on the line. Your call is important to us. We think we might be in love with your call. We made your call a mix tape."
"Forgot to do yoga yesterday. That makes it 6 years in row now."
"Did you guys here about the kidnapping earlier today?! He woke up at about 1 o'clock."
"What's a frogs favourite flower ? A croakus !"