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Joke of the Day
"Facetious. Because I like to use all vowels, in order."
Next Joke
"Domestic violence jokes are in bad taste. They hit too close to home."
"A popcorn necklace is a nice way to tell someone you want them to be attacked by birds."
"What's the difference between a duck? One of it's legs are both the same."
"My wife told me, ""I look really fat. Please make me feel better and compliment me."" I said, ""You have perfect eyesight."""
"My family made a pact that I'm the first to be sacrificed in a zombie apocalypse because I'll slow them down. That's my workout motivation."
"Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!"
"Do you know what they feed you at Guantanamo Bay? Well after being there for 30 years, neither do I!"
"""OMG why am I so sore?"" *Flashback to me doing five push-ups yesterday* ""Oh right."""
"A psychic goes to buy clothes Employee: how about this one? Psychic: That top is too small Employee: You didn't even try it on Psychic: I'm a medium"