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Joke of the Day

"Took my wife to the doctor today, to try and get her tourettes sorted Turns out that she doesn't have it, and I am actually a cunt and she wants me to fuck off"

"Yo Mama So Poor.... She can't afford to fly off the handle, when she gets mad, she has to greyhound off the handle."

"I retweet to avoid any awkward silences between tweets."

"Why did it take a strong thief to steal a manhole cover? Because only he could pull it off."

"Why did the male ghost get scared after the female ghost said ""boo""? The male ghost wasn't ready for a committed relationship."

"That show Scrubs is bullshit. Not one person in this hospital joined in my song and dance number."

"Why should you never take a swordfish out to dinner? Because you'll get stuck with the bill, and if you don't have money to pay the restaurant will call the cods on you. Fin."

"My girlfriend called me a pedophile yesterday. I said wow, that's a big word for a 9 year old"

"Played Monopoly with a kid & argued that I CAN buy the jail.. Teaching him a valuable lesson about the privitisation of the prison system."

"What do you call a Mexican fist-fighting with a pedophile? Alien vs. Predator"