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Joke of the Day

"Why should you never take a swordfish out to dinner? Because you'll get stuck with the bill, and if you don't have money to pay the restaurant will call the cods on you. Fin."

"I got fired from my job as a taxi driver. Turns out my customers didn't like it when I tried to go the extra mile."

"Great feats are always about timing. You think Hitler would have killed that many Jews four thousand years ago?"

"Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil? It's pointless just like this post"

"My girlfriend just text me, 'thespacebuttonisbrokenonmyphonecanyoupleasegivemeanalternative' Anybody know what 'ternative' means?"

"I was having sex with a 90 year old woman yesterday nsfw She stopped suddenly and shouted Quick call me an ambulance! I said, I'll call you whatever you want you kinky bitch."

"Father in-law told me this gem: ""God made a woman..."" But didn't take one."

"DADT repeal is causing apprehension and high expectations among the military's top brass The navy, in particular, is eagerly awaiting a flood of fresh seamen."

"Does Bill Nye always wear a bowtie? Seriously though?"

"Me: So if I call Canada it's billed as international? Phone rep: Yes. Cuz Canada is a country. Me: You should hear how ridiculous you sound."