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Joke of the Day
"It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally"
Next Joke
"Oh you like Oreos? Name five of their albums. And I'm talking their obscure shit like watermelon, none of this main stream birthday cake shi"
"We've been over this. I DO NOT WANT A PDF OF YOUR MENU."
"Sign seen in restroom Most people come here to take a shit. I come here to leave one."
"A guy said he fantasizes about me in a bathtub filled with Big Mac sauce and I said YOU'RE DISGUSTING AND DISTURBED and see you at 8, Brian."
"I'm so drunk I can speak fluent Ozzy Osbourne."
"No one has stolen my lunch at work since I started labeling it ""Stool Sample."""
"The GF goes away for 10 days, *shits going to get wild * sleeps in middle of bed"
"Woo hoo, July 4th wknd! Popped opened a beer, unbottoned my pants, put my feet up. My boss keeps looking at me weird, though."
"Why do people hate playing uno with Mexicans? They keep stealing green cards."