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Joke of the Day

"Why do people hate playing uno with Mexicans? They keep stealing green cards."

"Aliens watching our media must assume we are being implored to show allegiance to our ruler, a mysterious entity named ""Geico."""

"Why couldn't Helen Keller vote? She was a woman! And it wasn't until 1920 when the 19th Amendment was ratified. At this point she was 40 years old and could vote."

"would you like to come on our quiz show? you could win 2,000,000? [imagines spending the entire show standing up] ""no thanks"""

"A guy sees a woman walking her dog... Guy : Wow I didn't know you could walk a cow ! Woman : I'm sorry but this is a dog. Guy : Yes I know, I was talking to the dog."

"I just submitted my application to be on the next season of Survivor... Which apparently was not the answer my dad was looking for when he asked ""How is the job search going?"""

"I'm proud to be part of a generation that was once mesmerized by Lite-Brites but now complains if we can't stream HD video on our phones."

"What's the difference between Acne and a Catholic priest? Acne cums on your face after you're 12."

"Sometimes i feel like girls are like oscars And im leonardo dicaprio :("

"What's the difference between a prostitute and jesus? The face they make when you nail them."