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Joke of the Day

"The reason I like Twitter is because the ladies on here LIKE being followed. Unlike like little miss restraining order down the street."

"Got a Handjob from a Blind Girl last night... She said ""You have the biggest dick i've ever put my hands on"" I said ""Nah, you're pulling my leg"""

"Damn girl are you baking chocolate? Because you're bitter as fuck."

"me: *dies* mom: no get up you still have to go to school."

"So a rapist, pedphile and a priest walk into a bar... He orders a beer"

"Why did the mushroom get invited to a party? because he was a fungi"

"A defendant showed his small penis to the court to prove that he's innocent of rape The judge decided that it wouldn't stand up"

"My friend was raped by a teenager mutant ninja turtle. He wasn't wearing a mask, so we don't know which one did it."

"That's so nice of Activia to offer a money back guarantee. Am I supposed to send them pictures of myself not shitting?"

"We call our new maid Non Sequitur. She's Latin and she doesn't follow."