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Joke of the Day

"Did you know a load of hairy gay Theodore Roosevelt impersonators had a meal in the park today? It was the Teddy Bear's picnic."

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"[job interview] ""Tell me a strength."" I'm a decision maker. ""Excellent. How about a weakness?"" I'm a bad decision maker."
"What's 18 inches long and hangs in front of an asshole? OBAMA'S tie"
"Hey does anyone know how to spell antidisestablishmentarianism?"
"It would be funny if we discover there are inhabitants on the comet... they would be comedians."
"If you want to prevent pregnancy use two condoms and... Fill chille powder in between. If outer one breaks she will know if inner one breaks you will know.."
"Wife has a fever. Daughter has a fever. Neither are of the ""disco"" variety."
"[puts cone of shame on dog] ME: (to dog) sory buddy DOG: (to all other dogs in neighborhod) BOW DOWN TO LORD FLOFFYTON HEARER OF ALL BARKS"
"I like Jews how I like my cookies. Cooked in an oven"
"Why do pandas have black eyes? SHE FELL, DAMNIT! God! What is with all the fucking questions?"