92155

Joke of the Day

"Vin Diesel: Is it fast? Car Salesman: Yes, sir. It is very fast. Vin Diesel: Oh yeah? *leans in close* Is it furious?"

"There's no point to a dull knife."

"Don't judge me because I like 80's music. Judge me because I had a late term abortion because a baby would ruin my holiday plans."

"Why are Suicide Bombers always angry ? Because of their Short Fuses."

"Im so fucked up i wrote 3 tweets into my phone and texted them to the Hurricane Katrina fund."

"What was the black lab's favorite planet? Earf! Earf!"

"judge: 99 yrs me: is it cos i called ur gavel a justice hammer? judge: no that actually helped me: killing then judge: yeah the killing"

"A Doctor gives his patient the bad news that he only has a week to live... Patient - ""No, I don't accept that! I'd like an alternative fact please"" Doctor - ""Money-wise, you are now set for life"""

"Somebody in here smells really good. I will hunt you down. I will sniff you."

"Wanna hear a construction joke? Oh wait, I'm working on it"